Don't call me Danno
by malinoislover
Summary: To just anyone looking in on the car ride it would seem that the two men were destined for a break-up. To those who knew them, well that was a different story.    Strong language & mentions of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Steve was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were bone white. The frown lines were deep across the corners of his mouth and between his eyes; he seemed as tense as a stretched rubber band. A rubber band being stretched outside in the middle of a North Dakota blizzard. The pulse in the vein at the base of his neck was fluttering rapidly as he nervously kept glancing over at his partner in the passenger seat.

Danny was slumped against the door, obviously trying to remain as far away as physically possible from Steve in the small car. His own frown lines were deep and his arms were crossed tightly across his chest. The vein on the side of his head was throbbing prominently. Both men had their jaws clenched so tightly it was an amazing feat that the neither the SEAL nor the Detective had snapped their jaw bones clean in half.

To anyone looking in on the car ride it would seem that the two men were destined for a break up. There was obviously something really wrong going on here. The two men seemed better fit for candidates on the Jerry Springer show than partners, let alone friends. However, this assumption just happens to be wrong. The two men weren't on their way to a break-up; they were on their way to a make-up. They just didn't know it yet.

Earlier that afternoon, the SEAL had once again put himself in danger. Reckless, plain-old stupid, idiotic, asinine danger. Danny had had severe heart palpitations and brutal chest pain the entire time the SEAL was on the damn self-destructive mission.

Steve, the bastard, had snuck away while his team's backs were turned. Their team had been called to rescue a set of hostages being held in an old warehouse on the outskirts of Waikiki. Steve had waited until they were all turned to look at a map Chin had pulled out before sneaking away. It was a brave yet stupid and oh so cowardly move. Steve had done it specifically so that Danny and the rest of his team couldn't follow him. The rat bastard had planned it so that their attempts at helping him would jeopardize the entire mission and he and the hostages would be killed. If his team interfered and went into help and to have Steve's back, _like a goddamn team was supposed to_, the kidnappers would kill everyone. Danny would lose a partner, the team would lose a boss, and their ohana would lose a brother. Thank whatever miracle workings had kept Steve alive, allowing him to pull of the nearly impossible. Now the ten hostages were headed to the hospital to be checked out and reunited with their families. The four kidnappers were headed to the morgue in body bags. And the Five-0 ohana was still complete.

Steve had come out with a few new bruises and some pretty deep scratches. But he was alive. _For now,_ Danny thought as he watched Kono eyeing the SEAL with a deadly glare. Danny just stared at him from his seat on the Camaro's hood. He was not speaking to him; he simply let the anger Steve could feel roll off of him in waves. Kono was not so reserved and when the man reached the groups, she slapped Steve across the face, right on a fresh bruise. Steve's head jerked back and he gingerly put his own hand over the now red around the edges bruise.

"If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll hand you my badge and gun on the spot and I'll never look back," she told him, rather viscously. "You got that you son of a bitch?" Danny knew that Kono was beyond livid. The slap told him that, sure, but the fact that Kono had cussed, let alone at the man who was her boss and one of her mentors, clued Danny in that there was more than just anger. There was hurt too. He knew exactly where she was coming from. Steve had the wherewithal to look a little sheepish. Chin had remained silent, calm, and cool but nodded in agreement with his cousin as he pulled the flushed face Kono away.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Chin called as he pushed Kono towards her car. Steve and Danny watched as Chin put Kono in her car, got on his motorcycle and followed her car out of the parking lot. The ambulances were gone and the M.E. had just loaded up and was pulling away. Now the two partners were left alone. Danny had picked Steve up earlier that morning so he was stuck letting the Neanderthal drive him home. Danny would have to speak to him to ask for the keys and that was not going to happen. _Let the bastard drive_, Danny thought. He was too pissed to drive anyway. Steve opened his mouth to speak to him but Danny raised and hand and shook his head before he slid off the hood of the car, climbed into the passenger's seat and slammed the door on whatever Steve was going to say.

For the entire half an hour drive to Steve's house the two men sat in silence. Steve sat in a confused worried silence, while Danny sat in a fuming I-might-kill-someone silence. Danny really had hoped his anger would lessen so by the time he was home he could at least rationally think about the incident and sort through it all. But even now, he knew that wasn't happening. If anything, he was getting more angry.

"Danny," Steve said, carefully, obviously testing the waters.

"No."

"Danny," Steve tried again.

"_No._"

"Look, I'm not going to apologize for…"

"Being a reckless pig-headed jackal? A dumbass with no regard for anyone else but himself?" Danny interrupted throwing his hands up in the air.

"Jackal…uhh…" Steve trailed off and swallowed. "No?" He tried.

"Then don't talk to me." Danny shot him a death glare and turned to angle his body towards the window. Steve sighed. At least Danny had spoken to him. Sure, the words were laced with venom but at least he'd said _something_. That was good. _Right_?

"Look, Danno," Steve said, ready to really try and apologize when Danny turned on him like a rabid tiger.

"Don't you dare call me Danno right now you asshole!" Danny's eyes were bright and piercing as they landed on Steve's.

"What?" Steve felt the hair rise on the back of his neck at the look in Danny's eyes.

"My daughter and my partner are the only two people on the face of this whole damn planet that I allow to call me Danno. And seeing as you are not a little girl in pigtails and right now I am seriously questioning your position as my partner, you are not entitled to call me Danno. Got it?"

Steve just nodded, too stunned to reply, and turned his attention back to the road. He felt the weight of Danny's words stab him deep in the heart. It was too painful and stole Steve's breath. He knew that he had royally fucked the relationship up. That wasn't new; he was always screwing up their relationship. The problem now wasn't that he'd done it again. It was that he didn't know if he could fix it this time.

It wasn't until they had pulled up in front of Steve's house that Danny spoke again as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Steve killed the engine.

"You were beyond stupid today, you know that?" Danny said, not looking at his partner but at the front of Steve's house through the windshield.

"Dann-y," Steve said having to catch himself from adding an o, "I did what needed to be done."

"No. No, you didn't. And that's half of the problem!"

"Half?" Steve asked, confused. Danny turned to look at him and Steve leaned away, resting against the door at the look on Danny's face.

"Yes, because you don't think you did anything wrong. That's _half of the problem_. You went off all half-cocked and put yourself in the line of fire in such a way that your team, _your own goddamn team_, couldn't have your back and help you! That's the goddamn other half." Danny's voice was bordering on a yell and Steve flinched at the volume.

"I knew that I…"

"No!" Danny turned his whole body to face Steve, waving his arms, and pointing a finger in Steve's face. "No, don't you dare say that you knew you would be able to do it. It was a suicide mission and you went O_n. Your. Own._ _Willingly_," Danny said, punctuating each word harshly. "Had you waited and just listened, Chin had devised a plan that was workable, safe, and would have saved me the ten years you shaved off my life when I realized what you'd done."

"There was no time to wait."

"That's a load of shit and you know it! There was plenty of time. The kidnappers weren't any the wiser to us being in the neighborhood and there was an open line of communication. I don't understand what is wrong with that brain of yours. Normally I can attribute it to your SEAL training and all that macho Rambo shit you have lived with for the last umpteen years of your life, but today the only conclusion that I could come to was that you wanted to die. You went off on a mission to die. You have turned suicidal on me."

"That's not true," Steve said.

"Then explain it to me!" Steve opened his mouth but nothing came out and he closed it. "Yeah." Danny sighed, fell back against the seat, and ran his hand across his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I didn't see another way…"

"You didn't wait to see."

"That's not part of my training."

"You could have died!"

"Then I would have died." Steve shrugged. "I would have died trying to free hostages. I would have died doing something good."

"Nothing is worth your death!"

"Those people's lives weren't?"

"No. No, because there was another way to get them out. And for God's sakes, you do more good alive than you would dead. Who could you save when you're six feet in some dirt?" Danny sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did you ever stop to think that your death would be something devastating to your team? To Kono? To Chin? What about Mary? Or Grace? God, Steve, she thinks the world of you and I'd rather cut my own foot off than see the look of utter despair when I told her that her Uncle Steve was dead. She'd be devastated because she _loves you._ And goddammit, did you ever stop and think what your death would do to _me_? It would _ruin_ me." Steve watched as his partner visibly deflated and felt sick knowing that both Danny was right and he had been so reckless with his team, and his God-daughter's feelings. And that he had hurt his partner so much.

"Danny, I didn't… I didn't think. _I'm sorry_. I was to gung-ho to get the hostages out and I saw a window and I took it. My training doesn't let me sit back and wait for other opportunities to present themselves. We're taught to act on a whim and get the mission done and that's what I did."

"Steve, we aren't in the desert anymore. You aren't with the SEALs. You're here, in Hawaii. With us. All of us. You've got your own team. A team willing, each and every damn day, to stick their necks out for you. We would all die for you but that doesn't mean we go off half-cocked and hope we get lucky. You've got a family to think about."

"Danny, _I'm sorry_," Steve said his voice low and tight.

"Promise me you won't ever do something that stupid again. Steven, you took at least ten years off of my life today. More than the days you've gotten me shot and shot at, dumped the man in the shark tank, and held that guy off of the roof combined. I was seriously trying to remember what you asked me to do in case you died. Because that's what looked like was going to happen. I was going to find your body riddled with bullet holes. I couldn't remember if you wanted to be buried or cremated and then I had to sit down because I couldn't breathe. _I couldn't fucking breathe, _Steve_._ Then I wondered what to tell Grace. She'd wanted me to say I tried to save you. But I wouldn't be able to tell her that. _I felt so fucking helpless_. I couldn't help you. I couldn't be your partner because it would have gotten you killed."

"I promise, Danny," Steve said softly. "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong with you, Steve? I mean I know that you're a SEAL but even a SEAL would have seen that mission today was a suicide mission at best and at the worst. The only reason you're talking to me right now is you got lucky."

"I don't know…" Steve ran his hand across his face and Danny knew that this was a conversation they needed to have outside of the car.

"Come on, I'm inviting myself in for a beer and you and I are going to have a long talk." Steve didn't move. Danny reached out and gripped his shoulder. "Steve, come on. Let's go in." Danny watched as his partner unfolded himself rather robotically from the car. There was an obvious strain to his step.

"What hurts?"

"Huh?" Steve seemed surprised when Danny spoke as he stepped into the house.

"What hurts? You're gimping."

"Just my hip, no biggie."

"Stop doing that. If it hurts enough to make you gimp, it's a biggie," Danny said, throwing up air quotes around the word. He instructed Steve to find a comfortable seat somewhere while he grabbed the beers. He poured some ice into a Ziploc bag and covered it in a towel to create a makeshift ice pack. Because God knows Super SEAL didn't have an ice pack in his freezer. There wasn't room behind the tofu popsicles and the steaks. And because the damn Rambo-wanna-be wouldn't admit weakness and buy one. Danny grabbed a bag of frozen peas, knowing that the bruise Kono had slapped had to be throbbing right about now, and set off to find his partner.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny decided that his partner would need more than just ice and left the items in the kitchen before he took a detour upstairs into Steve's bedroom. The room was immaculate as always. Not a single thing out of place, not a speck of dust on any of the dark mahogany furniture, and the bed was made so tightly Danny fought the urge to bounce a quarter off of it. The damn thing would bounce _right back_ up into his hand, he knew. He'd tried it before.

Danny passed through the bedroom quickly, his eyes running over the familiar furniture. The only true personal items in the bedroom were pictures of their Five-0 team, Mary Anne, and Grace set carefully on the dresser. Danny leaned in close when his casual glance ended on one framed photo he'd never seen before on the edge. _Grace and Steve. _The picture was of the two of them asleep in the hammock behind Kono's house. Two weeks ago Steve had offered to _hang _with Grace while Danny had to go get his weapons recertification. Steve had taken Grace to Kono's for some fun on a quiet private beach and some surfing lessons from Kono.

Danny picked up the black and white photo and felt his heart swell at the sight of two of the most important people in his life together, looking so peaceful. His daughter's head was tucked under Steve's chin and his arms were wrapped protectively around her. The two were obviously sound asleep but Danny could see the small content smile on Steve's lips. There were no puckered lines between his eyebrows, no tense set to his jaw, not an ounce of tension in his entire body. Danny had seen Steve sleeping before and even then had never seen Steve so relaxed. _Hell I didn't know Steve could relax even a pinkie finger that much._

With a quick glance at the bedside clock, Danny realized he'd been up in the room a tad bit too long and set the photo back down. He stepped into the immaculate bathroom and dug around in the medicine cabinet, coming up with a bottle of Tylenol that he slipped it into his pocket. With a final glance at the photo, Danny set off back down the stairs.

Danny, not surprisingly, found Steve in a deck chair on the edge of his lanai. Steve was now shirtless, basking in the evening sun; Danny took notice that Steve's combat boots were discarded by the backdoor, his cargos rolled up to his knees, and his feet buried under the sand. That was commonplace when the two of them retreated out here after work. Danny was surprised, however, to see the first aid kit on the sand, bandage wrappings on top of a pile of bloody paper towels, and a tube of antiseptic cream discarded on the table. Danny took note of the number of bandages, fresh bruises, and welts on his partner's torso and shook his head. _Damn, Steve._ The dark blues and purples of the bruises and the bright white of the gauze bandages stuck out harshly against the tanned skin. Steve's eyes were closed but Danny knew better than to think he was sleeping.

"Here," Danny said as he handed Steve the bottle of Tylenol and the ice packs. "Use the peas for the bruise on your face."

"Thanks," Steve said and took the outstretched items. He unbuckled his belt and slipped the makeshift ice pack under the waistband of his cargo pants to settle it against the flaring pain in his hip. _Everything fucking hurt_. His heart rate was finally slowing and the adrenaline was wearing off leaving him worn out. He thought about asking Danny to postpone their talk but quickly thought better of it. _Better not tempt the dragon again._

Steve popped three pills into his mouth and took a long drag of the beer Danny offered him before he held the bag of peas against his cheek._ Shit, Kono has one mean-ass right hook._

Danny took a seat in the chair next to Steve and took a few sips of his own beer, purposely staying silent, giving Steve time to gather his thoughts.

"Talk to me, Steve. Tell me what's going on," Danny said as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, turning to look at Steve. Steve sighed and dropped the bag of peas onto the armrest of the chair. _It's now or never. _

"I was stupid today. I knew that it was a suicide mission but I couldn't see another way." He put his hand up, anticipating a reaction from Danny. _Please just let me finish. _There were no outbursts, surprisingly. When he looked up Danny was watching him patiently. "I know if I had waited I would have, but Danny… I was tired of being helpless. Those people were kidnapped because of me and that drug bust…"

"Because of us."

"What?"

"It was because of us, doing our jobs. It wasn't _just you_, Steve. It was because of us." Danny shook his head. "This is one of the big problems, Steve. You think everything rests on your shoulders. You think you have to carry the whole world and every one of its problems all alone. You think you have to save everybody. _You don't_. We're a team. _We're a family_. We share in the weight. We will help you carry it if you just let us. You push us away and think you have to do it all on your own. But you don't."

"I know that… I just. I couldn't let someone else, anyone else, die because of me. If I had to die to prevent that… then okay."

"Steve, you can't keep blaming yourself."

"A lot of people are dead because of me." There _it_ was. There was the problem. There was the suicide-mission-inducing problem. The man was too damn honorable to let things go. _Even things that weren't his responsibility._

"And a lot more people are _alive_ because of you." Steve took another drag from his beer so that he had time to compose himself. "Steve, look at me. Come on, please." Steve reluctantly looked over at his partner. He didn't want to see the pity. He was shocked to see none, just clear understanding in his partner's eyes. "You have saved so many people's lives. You aren't responsible for what other people do. You aren't Wo Fat. You aren't Victor Hesse. You aren't the lowlife criminals we chase every damn day. You don't make any of them do what he does. You aren't superman either. Albeit, you are a damn ninja, but you're still human. You can't save everyone. You aren't supposed to."

"My father is dead because of me."

"No. No, sir, you are incorrect, my friend. Your father is dead because of Wo Fat and Victor Hesse. There was not a damn thing you could have done to prevent your Dad's death. We both know he was dead the second Hesse walked into his house. Even if you had given him his brother, he was going to kill your father. Wo Fat wouldn't have allowed anything else. And it's not because of anything you did. It's because of your father's investigation. Now I'm not saying your father deserved it, by any stretch of the imagination, because _he didn't_, but it wasn't your fault that Wo Fat targeted him. _It wasn't your fault_." Steve closed his eyes and his chest was barely moving as Danny finished his speech. "None of it was your fault. You have to believe that."

"I can't," Steve whispered. "Because it's not true."

"Do you trust me?" Steve opened his eyes at the question and nodded vigorously.

"You know I do. With everything," Steve answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Then trust me now when I tell you all of this, Steve. I'm not lying to you. I'm not making any of this up to make you feel better. I'm telling you this because it's the _truth_. _It's the fucking truth,_" Danny said. "I know it's going to take you some time to get it right. You've always been so damn honorable that you take on other people's guilt and responsibility as your own when you don't have to. You don't need to. But I need you to try. I really need you to try. I need you to not carry all of this around anymore. I need you to try and let it go, okay?"

Steve didn't say anything but his head slowly began to nod. Danny watched as a few tears trickled out from under his partner's tightly closed lids. "It's okay to let go of it all now, Steve. You don't have to be strong all the time. Your team is here to help you. We're here to be strong for you when you can't be anymore. Let me be the strong one for you. I'm your partner and I'm not going away." It was as if Danny had spoken the magic words and Steve suddenly buried his head into his hands and began to sob, letting out all of the frustration, the anger, and the sadness for all of the people he had lost over the last year. Danny stood up and went over to offer comfort, pulling his partner's head to rest against his stomach. Steve fisted Danny's shirt tightly and rested his cheek against Danny as the sobs wracked his body. "Let it all out," Danny said softly, resting his hand against the back of Steve's head and making soft cooing sounds in the back of his throat. Danny stood like that until the sobs quieted and Steve was able to take in a few calming breaths. Steve pulled away first.

"Thanks," Steve said as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Anytime." Danny sat back down but reached over to lay his hand on Steve's forearm.

"Sorry," Steve said, sniffling.

"Don't apologize. Steve, look at me." Danny waited until Steve lifted his red-rimmed eyes up. "Promise me you'll talk to me when things get tough again. Promise me you'll come to me and let me help you through whatever is going through that crazy mixed-up SEAL head of yours. Huh?"

"Promise, Danny. I promise." Steve sniffed and covered Danny's hand with his own.

"It's Danno," Danny said as he squeezed Steve's arm gently.

"I promise, Danno," Steve said smiling like the Cheshire cat. "Danno. Danno," he chanted softly. It felt good on his tongue again.

"Don't wear it out now," Danny laughed. "Want another beer?"

"Yeah, Danno. That'd be great, Danno."

"Do it every day," Danny called as he retreated to get more beer. "I like hearing you say it."


End file.
